matter what! matter what!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

July 31, 2014

I've always found July 31st to be an auspicious day for me. First trip to Europe as a kid, first time at Varadero Beach, and other things that were worth remembering. Today did not disappoint me. Woke up scared in the middle of the night, suffering from a monster headache, doing the nurse-think "Is this the worst headache I've ever had....and should I worry?" No, took some Advil (because Advil is your FRIEND!) went back to sleep and woke up fine. Worried, but fine. Worried that maybe I have agreed to this little travel assignment without looking at all the fine print. Worried because once I looked at the fine print, it wasn't as lucrative as I thought. Actually bummed that I could get a 6-month all expense paid vacation and then be cash-poor in the end. So off I went to work, where God and my angels had surprises in store.....

1.  I am grateful of being able to think with a clear head about what all my options are and what I can do with my journey. I don't need to disappear.....I just need to live, uninterrupted.

2.  I am grateful for the blind faith and support of people who have known me and have entrusted in me professionally over the years, and now I am reaping the fruit of my labor.

3.  I am grateful for the words of my therapist, who has faith in my continued ability to make good decisions regarding my future. He actually said I was good to go and "have a nice life."

4.  I am grateful to God and the angels who grant me serenity and guide me towards the light, let opportunity knock at my door and put things in my way.

5.  I am grateful to people who show me their true colors, so that I know I can never go back to being in a dark place again.

I am letting the light guide me. I am placing myself in the trust of a HIGHER POWER. I am listening to my inner voice. And its all good......

Sunday, July 29, 2012

July 29, 2012

Sometimes its not fun to work on the weekends, but there are days like this where I don't mind being there all day, slowly doing cases. I get to do one patient at a time, no rush, no stress, with lots of down-time in between cases. Plus every one of my patients were nice and I went out of my way to make sure they were well-treated and comfortable. That makes me feel good!

But most of all I am grateful that it was not ME on that side of the stretcher. Hey, accidents happen. People get sick. Every day above ground AND healthy is a joyous day. Just ask anyone who's sick.

Today I count my blessings:

1. I am grateful for a good night's rest, no calls to return to work in the middle of the night and a full day's work put in.

2.  I am grateful for the opportunity to serve a higher power through my hands and my skills.

3.  I am grateful for the opportunity to help another human being in need.

4.  I am grateful for the health of my child, my extended family and my friends, as well as my own.

5.  I am very grateful for my serenity today and the lack of fear as I make my journey through this world. 

Saturday, July 28, 2012

July 28, 2012

I had a rollercoaster day yesterday as the reality started to sink in: I AM going to the Virgin Islands for 6 months!! And I have a lot to do between now and my departure. All the prep work isn't stressing me out, though. I'm slowly researching and making preparations on how to smoothly make this transition. I am, however, slowly and quietly grieving what I am leaving behind, not the bad parts, but perhaps the memory of what could have been. I know I gave it my best shot, perhaps bent over backwards to make things work. Unfortunately things didn't change for the better, and I know I can't return to that situation again. I will miss my job here, miss my friends, and the familiarity of a place that was home for so many years ( I keep remembering I left once and promised never to return......). But new adventures await me, a new journey starts.

1.  I'm grateful for all the blessings bestowed upon me today and every day, small and large. The beauty of this old neighborhood with its old houses and lush foliage, where Bumby and I can walk without bother.

2.  I'm grateful for my extended family who love and accept me no matter what the circumstances are.

3.  I'm grateful for the support and understanding of my co-workers, who are genuinely thrilled for me as I take this step.

4.  I'm grateful for the ability to slowly heal and forgive, both myself and others, and be able to move on mentally to a better place, a more serene place, a place where I can be ME again.

5.  I'm grateful for the love I show myself and others every day. Treat yourself well and it will spill over to others.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

July 26, 2012

It was a busy day. One of those days where you're so busy that you just plod on and on and suddenly, it's over. Little time for reflexion. Little time for anything else but what's in front of you. Usually a sick, hurting human being who you're guiding toward wellness. Wellness is something to be grateful for, since everyone will be on the other side of the hospital bed eventually. So I guess I begin there.....

1. I am grateful for my health, for my strength, for my fearlessness in the face of uncertainty.

2. I am grateful for my extended family, who support and love me no matter what. No matter the distance, no matter the time spent apart, no matter what problems we circulate in our heads. They are there for me and I am there for them.

3. I am grateful for the faith that is put on me by those who don't even know patients, my business associates, those who root for my success and well-being without even meeting me. That kind of blind faith is commendable in this day and age.

4. I am grateful to my angels for lighting my path and showing me the way and keeping me on the straight and narrow. I know what I need to do, but sometimes it's hard to internalize and not slip back into old habits. Now I'm beginning to stop myself and say, "NOOOOO, you don't need to do that...."

5. I am grateful for the love I am showing myself on a daily basis. It's been too little for too long. Embracing my inner child allows me to heal.

And I'm healing every day.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

July 25, 2012

I always said 50 was going to be the breakout year. And my angels have decided to help me along in this little journey of mine. I started my 50th year climbing Macchu Picchu with my baby girl, moaning, groaning, creaking, giggling all the way, but I DID IT. Again. And there's still enough ruins unexplored in the Urubamba Valley to conquer. But I digress....

1. Be careful what you ask your angels for. I'm grateful for 20 years of compassionate, inspired nursing work which have taught be SO MUCH!!!

2. I'm grateful for a supportive group of friends and co-workers who are happy for my success in my future endeavors.

3. I'm grateful for the opportunity to FLY! Tomorrow I interview with the hospital in St. Croix for an indefinite travel assignment.

4. I'm grateful for the joy I feel at taking a step in my new direction in this journey, when I know I could be fearful and anxious. I'm not feeling any of these things. I'm ready to take the challenge of new places, new faces, new ways to expand my circle.

5. I'm grateful to GOD for showing me that yes, there is a way out of every bad situation if you just listen and be patient and be patient some more. He has blessed me with wonderful things, and tested me with awful ones. I'm sure He is smiling down on me today.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

July 24, 2012

Vacation is over. Back to reality. Back to work. But I'm refreshed, recharged, recycled! And the loving support that I received over my vacation is still in my head, working its magic upon me. I may not have posted for a few days, but I'm able to see things with new perspective as I settle in to my daily routine.

1. I'm grateful for the fact that I can see clearly now what boundaries I have set, and am secure in the knowledge that if they are not met, I am able to move along without my life being thrown askew.

2. I am grateful for a workplace that I can maneuver without difficulty and where people appreciate my skills.

3. I am grateful for my alone-time, and the peace and serenity that it grants me.

4. I am grateful for my angels who guide me and show me the light and the love EVERY DAY.

5. I am grateful for my continued good health and the health of those that I love, which I do not take for granted, considering I see horrible train-wrecks of patients on a daily basis.

6. I am grateful for the gift of patience, which tells me to hold my impulses to resolve everything NOW! There is a reason things don't come on command. Sometimes we just need to ease into things.

7. I am grateful for the unconditional love of my Bumby, who snuggles with me and greets me at the door with excited whimpering. "Always happy to see u, Mommy!!!"

8. I am grateful, extremely grateful for the options my future holds. Anything I want to do, anything I set my sights on, anything I'm willing to work for is mine for the taking.

Friday, July 20, 2012

July 19, 2012

1. I am grateful for the support, comprehension and love of my friends who I can open up with and understand my difficulties and theirs as we progress through our journey.

2. I am grateful for the laughter and joy my friends bring into my life as we recall our experiences and realize, "Hey, we're not so different or messed-up after all!"

3. I am grateful for being able to watch my daughter flower into adulthood and be supremely proud of the person she is becoming.

4. I am grateful for the feeling that YES, I can do anything I set my mind an unused muscle, I exercise my options and make it stronger every day.

5. I am grateful for the power of PRAYER. Sometimes a little conversation with GOD is all you need to set things in motion.

6. I'm grateful for the gift of another beautiful day by the ocean, and the cleansing thoughts and peace of mind it brings.

Thank you my was a wonderful day today.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

July 18 2012

1. I'm grateful for a good night's sleep, peaceful, rested, no anxiety, no bad dreams. Waking up early and starting my day off well.

2. Grateful for the smile on my face as I took the top down on the car and drove up A1A along the beach towards Flagler Beach to have lunch.

3. So happy to have dinner tonight with friends, and then for FREE, see people I haven't seen in a long time!! Happy to see them!

4. I am grateful that OYSTERPALOOZA is set for this Friday and that my friends are coming! And so is my daughter!

5.  Finally I am grateful for being strong and hanging in there, in the midst of what could be considered total emotional turmoil. I haven't broken down, caved in, given in, made a stupid phone call. I have set my boundaries and while I don't expect them to be respected, I will not tolerate certain people crossing my line without consequences. (see, I AM learning!!)

All in all, a tranquil day. Life is good. My angels are watching out for me. Thanks, kids!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

July 17 2012

The day is young, very young, so I don't want to fill this space up with little things. But little things to be grateful for are important. I woke up today in a very tranquil state of mind. That alone is reason enough to be thankful, since I did spend so many days and months awaking to torment, stress, craziness. Today, its just sunshine, coffee, quiet, and Bumby snoozing in bed.

So what am I thankful for today?

1. I'm thankful for the few hours of sunshine at the beach before the rain came (all afternoon!)
2. The invitation to a terrific dinner at a top steakhouse tomorrow by a friend.
3. I'm thankful for the continued peace and serenity of my mind today.
4. I'm grateful that tomorrow is another day, and that I'll be at the beach EARLY to soak up the sun.
5. I'm grateful to my inner pilot light who is giving me permission to forgive myself for all the crap I put me through the last few years.

And while I'm slowly crawling on wobbly legs and baby feet, I KNOW deep inside its going to be ok!

Monday, July 16, 2012

July 15 2012

Five Things I am grateful for today:

1.  The angels that guide me and watch over me always.
2.  The chance and the ability to forgive myself, and eventually others.
3.  Again, my wonderful friends who are happy for me and encourage my dreams and goals.
4.  The joy of realizing I have raised a wonderful, intelligent, thoughtful daughter who is ready to conquer the world!
5.  The blessing of quiet and solitude when I desire it, and laughter, conversation and great coffee when I desire that.

July 16 2012

Five things to be thankful for today:

1. My incredible friends.
2. My beautiful daughter.
3. The warmth of the sun and the ocean.
4. The cool little Miata that got me here.
5. My beloved Bumby.
6. GOD and all his blessings bestowed upon me today and every day. (ok, that's six!)

Why do this?

It was recommended to me by a dear, wise friend that in order to achieve clarity when you embark on a new journey in your life, you need to count ALL your blessings daily, religiously, without fail. This way you can look back and see how far you've come in your journey.

I have started a new journey in my life. I have left things behind that were painful, holding me back, dragging me down. It took a lot of energy to take this leap of faith with so little faith left in myself sometimes. But slowly, I have discovered that you DO heal. You DO have choices. You DO forgive yourself and others eventually. 

Rome wasn't built in a day. Neither is my life. But when you pick up the first stone and say, "Ok this is the foundation for a new beginning," you put your mark on the world. One stone at a time. One hurdle at a time. One step away from the pain at a time. 

And OFF I GO..........!